Our Messy Filters

I think it is quite interesting how we as a people are so messy. We all have filters and we base everything off our own biased opinions. I often wonder about reality, what it must really look like. Reality, without fear and hurt dumbing down the true and one perspective. I think the true perspective is to see God the Father defining us in every situation, every circumstance. God the Father is constantly singing over us that we are His and no one else or one thing can define who we really are. This is the true perspective that should always define us. But  sadly, we have these tainted filters because we are all broken and have the cares of the world constantly stealing our joy.

But where is the Father in the midst of crazy and horrible situations? “Where is He?” we ask. But has He really left? Or are we just too busy by all the other voices and our own perspectives to realize that He is really there? Are we afraid to really sit before the Lord and be honest to His face? Where is our perspective? The question really comes down to, are we really seeking to know our Creator? We always blame God when people or our circumstances fail us. Hey, I am not saying I understand why bad things happen. All I know is that the Father is the closest friend I have, and continually walks me through the trials and hardships. I begin to know and understand more when I have Him close. I begin to see His perspective when I spend more time with him and I begin to realize that my understanding, my filter is off. Cause my filter is based off of hurt and anxiety. It is not true Perspective! All I know is that I am changed every single day by a Creator who is patient and is such a gentleman. He helps me to see my reality in a whole new way. He teaches me to see more clearly the kingdom perspective.

II Timothy 1: 11-12 says, “And of this the gospel I was appointed a herald and an apostle and a teacher. That is why I am suffering as I am. Yet this is no cause for Shame Because I know whom I have believed, and I am convinces that he is able to guard what I have entrusted to him until that day.”

I like this verse cause it talks about even though Paul endure trials, He trusts the Creator “Because I know whom I have believed“. The Pastor from Elevation Church, Steven Furtick, in Charlotte talked about this verse and just hit a string in me. True perspective is gained when we really come to terms with getting to know our Father despite our unbelief. We trust even though we don’t understand every detail. Furtick said It’s like knowing the credentials of a doctor and even though you don’t understand everything he does, you trust him that he knows best. You know the credentials and that’s all that really matters. Trust is there even though you don’t understand the whole picture. So I honestly believe if we get here, we can really see with the Lord’s eyes and not with our own messy filters.

Well anyways If you are reading this and man I don’t believe many look at this, (It is more for me than anything else haha) take the time to ask the Father to begin to unveil your eyes, to see the real perspective. We often forget that our perspectives are a little off (most likely more off than we think or realize) and that the enemy would love to keep us there. I challenge you to see with the Lord’s perspective. Ask Him for it! It won’t come overnight, but it’s a beautiful process for you and the Father to walk through. Pursue your friendship in the Lord! He will help you with your unbelief and help you get past your messy filter.

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Reminded By A Dear Friend

I wake up and see that I have forgotten

That I have forgotten who I really am

But I am kindly reminded by a dear friend

Who whispers sweet songs in the wind

He sings deep, He sings wide

He sings songs to my weary soul

Even His song sings over me when I lose my own melody, when I cannot find the words to sing

He looks intently into my eyes

His tender blue eyes tell me that I am truly valued

That I am loved, that I am important

He reminds me of who I  really am

And I begin to remember

I remember that I am a daughter, a princess, a true friend

I remember that my value comes from my Creator and Him alone

So as my dear friend reminds me, I begin to awaken to my true identity once again

I awaken to the heartbeat of my Creator, the beautiful melodies of things untold

I awaken to eternity

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Thoughts on Forgiveness

I have been thinking about forgiveness and hurt lately. How I have hurt the people I really care about, and how the people I care about the most usually hurt me the most as well. We never really want to hurt or be hurt by our family, our friends, our girlfriend, our boyfriend, but it is truly unavoidable. I remember when I was younger I struggled with confrontation when I was upset and how I still to this day struggle with it. Whenever my parents or brothers pointed out what I did wrong, I went to my room and slammed my door cause it hurt to hear the truth. I didn’t communicate what I was feeling cause I wanted everything to be perfect and okay. But that’s the thing, nothing is gonna be perfect and I am learning that in relationships with people, we are gonna get hurt and that we are going to hurt them as well..

But here’s the thing, yes we get hurt, but we need to learn how to deal with the hurt in a healthy way. I tend to stuff things down when I get hurt and don’t want to confront it at all.. I avoid it like the plague and like I said before, I ran to my room to avoid it. Last Sunday while I was at Queen City Church, a man preached about forgiveness and it truly convicted me. As a side note, QCC is a church in Charlotte, NC that meets at a bar called, the Visualite and it truly is such a good place for my heart (Check it out! ). But anyways he talked about the story of Joseph and how he went through so much because his brothers sold him into slavery. But Joseph had favor with the Lord and eventually became a leader in Egypt in the midst of famine. After many years, his brothers ended up coming to him and asking him for food not knowing who he was. Joseph at one point started breaking down right in front of them and realized how much he missed them. He didn’t want to bring misery upon them for their actions and what they did to him… He truly was able to forgive them in that moment. The pastor brought up the point that you know you truly have forgiven when you want to be around that person, that you no longer hold the awful deed over their heads. You don’t feel the need to expose them publicly or talk about it anymore to others. That truly convicted me cause what do I do when I get hurt? I tend to talk about it and voice what I am feeling to other people instead of confronting the problem with the Lord and even the person. I stuff down the feeling instead of asking the Lord why am I really hurt by what the other person did. We want to justify the other person’s actions as well and go into victim mode and blame the other person. We can go into attack mode and that isn’t good… 

But why is the other person offending us? What is the root issue? Are we really getting to the real reason why the other person hurt us? We tend to get hurt by our friends in everyday circumstances cause we do not feel accepted or even feel rejected. A big thing I see is that our insecurities come out when we truly don’t know who we are. We worry about what other people think and we put our value in what people say about us. But what happens when we are  really rooted in the Father’s love for us? What happens when we know who we are in the Lord? When we know our value,  we are don’t depend on people to fulfill us. It is dangerous to find value in other people cause they will fail us and hurt us.  I realize more and more that I need the Lord the most cause he is the only person who knows me best. He won’t ever fail me. When people do hurt me I can go to the Lord and he is the only one who can help me forgive. I really believe it is impossible to forgive someone without the Lord. But when we do it with the Lord, he releases forgiveness and we are able to let the anger go and receive the Lord’s healing.

But what happens when we hurt our friends, our family? I hate it when I offend people I really care about.. I really want to fix everything! I go into fix it mode. I want to be the hero instead of letting the Holy Spirit tend to their hearts. All we can do is ask for forgiveness and let the Holy Spirit take care of them.  I recently realized this with break ups.. There is nothing I can say or do to fix the situation.. I can only pray that Holy Spirit takes care of our hearts. I can’t fix it and it annoys me cause I want everything to be perfect! But life gets messy and I am learning forgiveness can take time. But with any relationship whether your family or friends, however, I am realizing that being honest is key to forgiveness and that being open is important. We need to communicate when we are upset or feel left out so that bitterness and unforgiveness doesn’t seep in. I call this Brave Communication. We need to bravely communicate so that we can better love each other.  We don’t ever attack, we lovingly are open about our feelings. 


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Jesus can handle all cause He covered all

So I have been pondering lately about the death and resurrection of Christ. I recently watched the Passion of Christ this morning and was a little wrecked by it. The verse that was put at the beginning of the movie was Isaiah 53:5: “But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities.” Lately I have been realizing how much I never really have let the story of the cross affect me. After seeing the movie, it makes me realize how much Jesus was human and had to bear so much pain (And on the top of that take on our sins as the Son of God). He washed away our sins and yet everyday we run from God and hide sin within ourselves thinking we can handle it… that our sin is too much.. that we are too much… that we cannot be raw and vulnerable with Jesus, with Christ our Creator. But Jesus took it on the cross. He can handle all cause He covered all, He covered all our sins.

At times I struggle with trust and worry. I worry because I ultimately don’t trust God… that He won’t come through for me. But He does every time! At times He comes through differently than I expect, but it usually is better! Matt Peterson, the pastor over Awake Church in Winston Salem, talked about worry one time while I was at a ministry called, A Place for the Heart over this past summer and talked about the parable of the sower and worry (Matthew 13:7). The one seed that fell among the thorns were choked by the cares of the world. The same word for thorn was the same word translation for the thorns that Jesus wore on His head when He died on the cross! So in reality, my worry, the worries of the world, was already taken on the cross. The power of the cross conquered all my worry and I don’t have to take it anymore. So I am free from worry! Lately I am just also realizing how my own stuff or even my own dreams are not too big for God cause He loves to give good things to His children. So if you read this, take time to ponder the power of the cross. No sin is too big for Christ cause He covered us, He made you new. He loves you, son and daughter of Christ. 

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Perfect Decisions

Well it has been a while since I have had my last post. But I have been pondering lately about life and just how I have made decisions in the past. I read in a book the other day about how there is never going to be a “perfect” decision. I remember how I was always never confident with my decisions and that I asked everyone’s opinion about the matter before I even decided. I just ended up getting confused even more and barely went forward with what I actually wanted with my decision. I let other voices cloud my judgement instead of the Lord’s.

As I am getting older and “more mature” (ha whatever that means), I realize that I can make good decisions. That I am my own voice and that I can make mistakes cause mistakes help me learn. Life is full of many choices and if I wait for that one “perfect decision,” I am gonna end up missing what I actually want to do. If there is confusion with one choice, I realize that it must not be the right path for me. I go with the peace and where the Lord leads me. At times I need to just stick with my gut and what the Lord is saying to step out to make my decision. Fear should never control you and if you have the Lord on your side, you can make good decisions in your life. Yes, you might not know exactly what  your future may look like, but sometimes you need to follow the bread crumbs and see where it leads you. Cause if you are waiting for the perfect path, you might just miss a lot of cool things in your life. Yes it’s risky, but who doesn’t like a little risk in their life.

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Break My Body

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The Power of Sound

I was just thinking for almost a week now about why it is that singing and even that one song I just absolutely love makes me come alive. Why does singing deep down from within makes a singer feel so much emotion to a point where it transfers over to an audience? I just discovered this awesome musician named, Julia Easterlin about a week ago and I fell in love with her sound. She uses a loop station where she records herself then plays it back. Then she is on to the next harmony and finally she records everything where she sounds like she has a whole choir behind her when she is singing a different part (brilliant!!). But anyways, there is one point in a song called, “Break My Body,” where she lets go and lets out a beautiful high pitch sound putting so much emotion into it that it gives me goose bumps and I want to cry like a little child. Even some really good worship songs Like John Mark McMillan’s “How He Loves” gets me a lot and “Break Every Chain” By United Pursuit Band. They bring fourth raw emotion about the love of God and how there is power in His name/Love. I am a musician and I love writing worship music. I feel a connection to Jesus when I sing and write music. Its when I experience life and just get inspired that the raw and most beautiful sounds come out of me. I think songs make us feel alive because it is talking about the raw human emotions and the good and bad in life. But there is just something really powerful when a musician sings deep down from within letting go and just letting his sound come out. No words, just the sound.

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